रात तकिया भिगाती रही एक लड़की 

कमरे में रौशनी लाती वो खिड़की 

जिसके शीशे के पार कोई देख न सका 

दर्द और कश्मक़श के लम्हातों को 

वो खुद भी न समझ सकी अपने जज़्बातों को
एक बेबसी थी एक डर था और कहीं एक कोने में प्यार
एक दूजे के इल्ज़ामों तहत सब आप ही थे गिरफ़्तार
फिर वो तो ठहरी पागल
उसमें था ही नहीं कोई गुण कोई हुनर
कैसे सुलझाती वो ज़िन्दगी की उलझने
बस यूँ ही सिर से पैर तक उनमें बाँध रखा था खुद को
सोचती थी कोई साथ लाएगा मुस्कुराहटों की कैंचियाँ
जिनसे खुलेंगी ये सारी गिरहें
आज़ाद होंगे सब क़ैदी दिल के
और फिर उस खाली दिल को सजाएगी वो ख़्वाहिशों के चिराग़ से.....
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उस पागल का पागलपन भी अब कैदी है 'दिल की सलाखों में'!

In 2013 at this point of time, I was preparing for a new year party. What a wonderful party it was! But the year 2013 was not that wonderful in totality. It was an year of hardships, hopelessness and many such cruelties of the world which I never faced earlier. You can feel it though... I wrote on my FB wall

Goodbye 2013! ज़िन्दगी में जब भी कोई बुरा वक़्त आएगा मैं तुम्हें मिसाल सा याद रखूंगी।

Bidding a goodbye to 2013 was quite relieving. Many a people say its just an year change or mere change of calendar but I witnessed my life taking a whole new circle. Since 2014 life has started sending happiness in truck loads kinda amount. I may not clearly put through what I did differently but life seems a sweet compassionate darling since 2014. I am writing it all here on last eve of 2016. Tomorrow is gonna be a brand New year 2017 and I am scared to let go of such a beautiful year 2016.

2014-2016 have been beautiful years of my life. The 2016 was nicest of all as it brought a wisdom to value the life despite any circumstances. Its in this year, I learnt life the most. It taught me irrespective of what happens to me, if I have my breathes right, I have a lot to hold on and that made all the difference. Now I don't take even a second of life for granted as my life is my gift with a limited period of warranty which is destined to expire one day. I stopped getting lost in moments of agony and pain. Its not that I have stopped having any pain, fact is I have reduced the hours of suffering. As soon as I discover I am hurt, I work on it and just sort it out until it stops hurting. Life is really too short to waste even a second devoid of peace and laughter. Thank you dear 2016 for teaching me how to value my own life the most.

The upcoming year is going to be the most significant year of my life, that's what making me so anxious. I may get a PhD and a Mrs something all in matter of an year which is to happen in just a moment. I am anxious so just writing my first note to 2017,

Dear 2017, just be nice as your old pal was. We haven't met yet, I hope we shall get along nicely and make a wonderful 365 days of togetherness. <3

LOVE

Now this is my favourite thing to do!

Really...love has always been my most favourite, be it my family, friends and lovelife. Its beautiful to love where all adjectives fail to express the extent of emotions. You will not know when and how you fell in love. That's unstoppable! When love happens it just happens effortlessly but post "falling in love" period LIFE HAPPENS. There are few things which I learnt through good and bad times of love and life which I am sharing here for staying in love-

1. Patience: This is one virtue, I was not born with. Basically I was an impatient girl. Many of us are impatient. My observation says that girls are generally impatient. (I need to tell you something and I can't wait till we meet, long telephone talks, quick reactions-sudden silences, a smile reaching from lips to ears, or shedding tears while laughing uncontrollably...we are quick in our reactions and this agility adds to the impatience factor as well). Although again I repeat its just my perception. So enough on impatience factors of girls. What I learnt is impatience won't help in love. You have to be patient and positive throughout. Love is a feeling which grows in its own pace. A flower may bloom in ten days of watering the plant but with love you can't be sure even after consistent care and compassion of ten months or an year.

2. Faith: You know your trust fails you at instances but your faith never fails you. Your trust may break, you may get ditched in the most honest relationships, people may betray. But if you have faith, you will always survive and sail through. Now this faith I define differently and to me faith is a fluid concept. My faith could be in God, in love or in life. Its upto the individuals where their faith lies. Mine lies in all the three listed- love, life and God and in the virtue of goodness that lies in all individuals.

3. Perseverance: the word is self sufficient. If you really want it just stick to it through all thick n thins of life.

I will conclude it saying break-ups are easy actually easiest but staying in love post your heart has been broken, trust betrayed, promises failed ...that's the difficult part. Surviving through struggle of wounded ego and a hurt heart is not easy but before taking any decision just ask yourself will it matter ten year from now? If you think you still gonna long for the life with your love,you know what to do. And if you think you never gonna get over with your heartbreak with this individual, you certainly know what to do. Whichever way you opt for, just ensure its your decision. Only you should be making that decision of life because at the end of everything, its gonna be known as your life.

Your life is your magic! <3

A change of destiny

Since my growing up days, I believed in a normal life. Ordinary things of life made me happy and I always assumed that I am supposed to be an ordinary woman with little things and happiness...chhoti chhoti si khushiyon wali ek saadi si zindagi. Then life happened and it happened exactly the way I would never dare to dream. One thing led to another and somehow life took its own direction. It was nothing like I assumed (not dreamed because ordinary girls are not allowed to dream big).

I assumed my life in a very routine like any other middle class Indian young girl- marriage by 25, children by 28 and to look for something professionally worthy in late 30s. But the change took place because of one moral value, I stood strongly against dowry. I was adamant at not to pay to get married. So destiny started revealing itself, I was called dark, not good enough, not stary enough (Kundali excuses)...the ladkawalas (boys and the family) would say everything except "see you have to pay to be married, that's our price!"

Shocked with the reality, I denied to sit idle in wait or to compromise with my morals. I took refuge in work which was never my dream. Being a small town girl, things are a bit different rather difficult. Slowly and steadily I kept on doing my part in all possible ways both personally and professionally. Now I found myself on the verge of being outcasted in 'marriageable age girl' category (to my relief!). Surprisingly, in terms of career and life, I flourished. I tasted salt of independence and sweets of family support.

My career, economic independence and experiences of living in metro city shaped me into a wonderful woman who is ordinary with extraordinary dreams. I am thankful to the Almighty that life dint happen the way I assumed/wanted it. Everything happened as per God's will and his choices for my life were beyond the dreams of my eyes. Now I am living this really beautiful life and everyday I feel thankful to the gifts of life. One day I may also get the man of my kind of morals and strength. Until then I ain't gonna compro <3

things one should not learn from movies

Movies...we all at many crucial moments look up to the classical, romantic, critical and/or commercially acclaimed movies with high expectations. Expectations which know no bounds: you expect a quick fix solution through characters portrayed in the movies. Love has been one of such expectation where almost each of us has fantasized that romantic relationship as portrayed on the silver screen.

Here I name a few:

1. The girl is with the love of her life, a problems comes in -maybe another girl/boy/family member/personal/professional issue, the list goes on...and then everything becomes clear!
2. The girl/guy loved the wrong person (you know because they got the 'wrong' cheating or saying something bad or making them feel bad), on that very moment the right person sneaks in for the rescue! (really that's too much filmy that is why it is a film)
3. Both the partners feel that they no more love each other and they both have find love in their own life with a perfect timing! (Now this one is a bit acceptable because TIME...you know how it works wonder with life)

Any guesses? These examples might have made you nostalgic in remembrance of your all time favourite rom-com. But...WAIT!!!

Here I will like to share a few lessons which I learnt never to learn through movies in my routine flow of life.

A. PEOPLE ARE GRAY

Yup! You never going to find someone perfect/absolute right or utterly wrong. 

That's how we all are...We as human beings are combination of the good we do, the bad we brought (on some unfortunate souls), the chances we cherish or regret taking, the opportunities well utilised or missed...a life well lived.

B. PEOPLE BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS...So if a poor guy behaved miserably in one situation does not mean you forget all the good he did for you throughout!

This might remind you of many scenes from highly acclaimed Hollywood-Bollywood movies. Yes a girl visits parents with boyfriend, there meets her high school crush and some stupid situation arises and just like that the man is replaced! Really...just because the poor fella went miserable in an alien planet, you should desert him? Forgetting all the good times...I think its a bit unfair. May be a few of you opine differently but my whole point in writing this is, we should look for the bigger picture in any relationship. If in totality it feels wrong, drop it then and there, Why to screw someone's holiday plans.


C. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN!

As a matter of fact, yes you are! You know bumping into a perfect man right when you are all broken, poor little thing...sorry it never works this way. Life is cruel and you have to be a bitch to deal with it.

D. TRY IGNORING FEW MISTAKES OF LOVED ONES...

Yes. All stuffs he did this and that, how could he moments...ignorance is a bliss! A few mistakes can be avoided and life can go on..but it's only you who can decide what is your criteria to filter mistakes...like few are unavoidable for one person but small issue in relation for other. So its absolutely you who should be making the decision not some stupid movie character!

E. You are the HERO OF THE SCRIPT of your life!

Sadly people gonna come and go! Only you going to be there to witness the whole of it. So stop pestering yourself for not bumping into that sweet loving handsome charming hero of your life.

F. Movie characters are situational!

That's why they make movies when something filmy is about to happen in the particular character's life. Remember Bridget Jones' Diary? It was her 30 something birthday where she was being offered with love from all direction in an eventual flow of the year....what about the 30 years journey she took ? Any guesses...I mean she could be anyone anything. So in your life your situations and your actions are going to decide your fate...don't deal with stupid filmy ideas as your ideals.

To sum up, always look for the bigger picture. Look beyond circumstances and ask yourself what's best for you. And do not make a decision because that's how it was shown in the movie/TV!

Love  <3